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Are you intimate with the phrase “Time heals all wounds?” This is one I often listen humans say as they try to brush isolated traumas and hurts in their lives. But it is one of the most detrimental cliches, merely because it sounds so close to the truth that it is difficult to spot the big lie here. At risk of sounding too philosophical, time is an artificial structure that we have created, much like state or country lines. (Have you ever seen a state line? I used to look for them on the ground when I was a kid.) What I say to clients when they say “time heals all wounds” is that time doesn’t heal anything, time plainly passes. It is what we do with our lives while time is passing that either helps us, heals us or keeps us stuck. In my work over the years, I have noticed that a good deal of humans seem to have an capacity to receive the hurts and disappointments of life and then move on. They have a sure resiliency. Others seem to stay stuck in their pain, living as if the painful events of their lives had occurred just moments ago. As I sought to comprehend the schemes of these dissimilar types of people, numerous interesting deviations made themselves clear. What follows are lists of systems for how to stay miserable and then schemes for how to heal, move on, and thrive. How to stay miserable o Complain in regards to the unfairness of it all. (“This must not have happened” – “How could any individual do such a thing?”) o Organize your life around the event, trauma or injustice. Make it a central theme in your life. Talk with regards to not one thing else. Bore your friends. o Remain bitter and unforgiving. A wise friend of mine once said, “Not forgiving somebody is much like attempting to crush a sandspur amid your fingers. You might finally do it, but it sure is going to hurt.” o Become a victim. Give up your power to take obligation and control over your own life. o Play the scene over and over in your mind. Keep thinking of what you will have to have done or what you must have said. How to movz on, heal and thrive o Talk with regards to it. Many of us mistakenly believe that if we keep it inside it won’t bother us. Quite the opposite is true. Remember the reputation -Tom Wingo in “Prince of Tides” and the harm done by not talking regarding the trauma that had happened in his family? Many times, getting it. out in the open may make it manageable. o Forgive those involved. Forgiving does not condone what somebody else did, it merely releases us from the pain of their actions. o Most importantly, follow this favored counsel of mine:
“Make a place for the event in your life and then put it in it is place.” It’s indispensable to do not forget that it did occur and it did affect you. At the same time, it is place is in the past, much like a chapter in a book you have read and choose not to read again. o If you find yourself wanting to but unable to follow these suggestions, you may want to get professional aid putting the past behind you. |
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